Recently, school have been focusing a lot on choices for next year as I am currently in my final year of GCSE’s. There is so much that I have to decide: what school I will go to, what subjects I will do and future careers. I hate it because everyone seems to know exactly what they want to study and have plans for the future and I have nothing. I decide on a career then a week later I’ve changed my mind but I know this can’t carry on as I will have to choose subjects relating to me field of interest. I struggle with decisions because I always think I’m making the wrong one and don’t like to commit to things in case I change my mind. That thought is putting more pressure upon the decision which makes the decision even harder.
There’s also so much chance in the future that all these plans are being based on. I have no idea what will happen to me in the future that will affect my opportunities. Since a lot of my choices are about my education, what happens if I don’t get the results that I want or need? I’m basing all of these decisions on me doing well and getting into sixth form (which isn’t that hard) which will enable me to get the A-levels that I need. It scares me that it isn’t all guaranteed because I find change very difficult to comprehend and cope with. I’m genuinely scared that things will not go to plan and I will have to change the plans that I will have intricately made. This usually sends me over the edge and ends in me completely avoiding the situation but I know that in the future I can’t do this.
Whatever I plan to do, I’m worried that it will be ruined at some point along the way by my anxiety. Will I be able to do everything that I want to? There is so much that I want to do in my life but sometimes I just think that it’s completely unachievable for me. Anxiety has ruined so much for me already so I’m worried when it comes to bigger things that are even scarier, anxiety will get in the way again. I need to prepare myself for these things because they are such massive changes especially things like going to university and moving away.
It all seems so far away but in reality, it is so near. I have to choose what I’m going to study by the beginning of December at the latest, I have to choose what school I’m going to next year and this time in a year, I will probably be going to look at a few universities.
If anyone has any advice on things like choosing subjects, moving on and coping with the future, please share it with me because I really need it!