A panic attack is one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me and it’s hard to convey to people how scary it actually feels. I feel like it will never stop and that is scary. You’re trying to get it under control and stop it but it carries on. You’re trying so hard and you feel like there is nothing you can do anymore because you’ve done everything you can think of but it is still there. You feel like you’re trapped in a little box: nobody can get in and you can’t get out. It closes in on you and you feel completely smothered by it. You’re completely out of control it feels like you can do nothing to clasp back any kind of control. You have an overwhelming desire to get away but no matter where you go, you still don’t feel comfortable there. You’re desperate for it to end but it carries on leaving you feeling weak. You lose all sense of rationality and everything is blown completely out of proportion. You feel that nothing anyone is doing will help but you can’t tell anyone that. You want to isolate yourself and be alone but at the same time, you also want someone to be there to help you.
You’re heart starts racing as if it’s going to beat out of your chest. Your breathing becomes erratic and you begin to hyperventilate. You’re breathing seems to be out of your control with the hyperventilation leading to other effects. The lack of oxygen getting to your brain makes you feel faint: everything is blurry and moving. Oxygen isn’t getting around the body so your fingers and toes go tingly or numb so you can’t grip or stand easily. Your digestive system shuts down making you feel sick and have stomach pains: your irrational thinking makes you think you will be sick. You can’t control your emotions causing you to cry uncontrollably about the situation in hand which makes you feel even worse. You get really hot which makes the faint feelings even worse and you can’t cool down which causes sweating.
All of this is exhausting. Afterwards you feel completely drained and exhausted. You just want to curl up in a ball and sleep however, you have to get on with your day with the knowledge that this might happen again. You’ve tensed all of your muscles causing them to ache awfully for a prolonged period afterwards. You’re mentally drained because of all of the emotions that have run through your mind. I feel upset or angry with myself for letting it happen and not taking control of the situation. The worst thing is you know that it’s going to happen again.