I’ve always been an anxious and nervous person despite not usually coming across that way. Within the past year and a half, the levels of anxiety have escalated to become debilitating.
I don’t seem to know what started it but my levels of anxiety seemed to be increasing when they happened and they also became more frequent. I’ve always struggled to be in crowds or in a busy place but when things got bad, I found it almost impossible. I’m not going to go on about all the things I can’t do because of anxiety because I would be here forever and it would be very boring!
The beginning of the anxiety is pretty blurry because the changes were quite gradual but it escalated into me suffering with bad, frequent panic attacks. This is something that I’m still struggling with and is my main anxiety problem.
In about May 2013, I began experiencing panic attacks. They were not regular but reared their ugly heads in particularly anxiety inducing situations. Obviously they were horrible but the infrequency of them made them much easier to deal with. However, around February time, they became much more frequent and debilitating. It was a downhill spiral and it’s still going down, although slightly slower. Currently, they are around 3 times a day.
When I’m in school, the panic attacks are at their worst which, in my opinion, is because I can’t escape the situation. Although I’m still managing to go to school, going to lessons and actually staying in them is a struggle. I don’t always know why I struggle but a common cause is stress. When we are preparing for tests or exams, anxiety is particularly high because I have such high expectations of myself and worry about failing. I didn’t really realise that stress could be a cause until one of my teachers pointed out that I always panic in her lessons when we have important things coming up. I also find loud lessons difficult because there are so many different sounds coming from different places which all collide in my head so I can’t think straight, resulting in panic.
Some of the teachers have been so good about it which I really didn’t expect. They let me leave lessons, help me calm down and do anything they can to prevent it happening again. They also help me catch up on all the work I have missed or struggled to do because of the anxiety which I am so grateful for. However, I have also had the opposite. Other teachers have basically just told me to get on with it which killed me. It made me feel like it was my fault and I just felt pathetic. This really shows the lack of understanding of mental health problems.
I also struggle with anxiety away from school. I find it very difficult to even leave the house sometimes. I’m not going to list all of the places that make me anxious because I would be here forever but it’s a lot! Even places I would think of as being fine would make me descend into panic.
Being anxious isn’t the only effect that it has had on me. I struggle to sleep because I’m wo anxious so spend my time lying awake running through thoughts in my head, but having panic attacks really tires me out so whatever happens, I’m exhausted. I struggle to eat because I feel sick due to anxiety, so I don’t, which makes me even more tired.
It has completely ruined my life. That’s it. I’m never going to get back all of the times that I have missed out on because I have been too anxious to do. I’m never going to get back all the time I have wasted with worrying and not going out because I’m scared of what might happen. I don’t feel like I’m living, just barely surviving.
I don’t seem to know what started it but my levels of anxiety seemed to be increasing when they happened and they also became more frequent. I’ve always struggled to be in crowds or in a busy place but when things got bad, I found it almost impossible. I’m not going to go on about all the things I can’t do because of anxiety because I would be here forever and it would be very boring!
The beginning of the anxiety is pretty blurry because the changes were quite gradual but it escalated into me suffering with bad, frequent panic attacks. This is something that I’m still struggling with and is my main anxiety problem.
In about May 2013, I began experiencing panic attacks. They were not regular but reared their ugly heads in particularly anxiety inducing situations. Obviously they were horrible but the infrequency of them made them much easier to deal with. However, around February time, they became much more frequent and debilitating. It was a downhill spiral and it’s still going down, although slightly slower. Currently, they are around 3 times a day.
When I’m in school, the panic attacks are at their worst which, in my opinion, is because I can’t escape the situation. Although I’m still managing to go to school, going to lessons and actually staying in them is a struggle. I don’t always know why I struggle but a common cause is stress. When we are preparing for tests or exams, anxiety is particularly high because I have such high expectations of myself and worry about failing. I didn’t really realise that stress could be a cause until one of my teachers pointed out that I always panic in her lessons when we have important things coming up. I also find loud lessons difficult because there are so many different sounds coming from different places which all collide in my head so I can’t think straight, resulting in panic.
Some of the teachers have been so good about it which I really didn’t expect. They let me leave lessons, help me calm down and do anything they can to prevent it happening again. They also help me catch up on all the work I have missed or struggled to do because of the anxiety which I am so grateful for. However, I have also had the opposite. Other teachers have basically just told me to get on with it which killed me. It made me feel like it was my fault and I just felt pathetic. This really shows the lack of understanding of mental health problems.
I also struggle with anxiety away from school. I find it very difficult to even leave the house sometimes. I’m not going to list all of the places that make me anxious because I would be here forever but it’s a lot! Even places I would think of as being fine would make me descend into panic.
Being anxious isn’t the only effect that it has had on me. I struggle to sleep because I’m wo anxious so spend my time lying awake running through thoughts in my head, but having panic attacks really tires me out so whatever happens, I’m exhausted. I struggle to eat because I feel sick due to anxiety, so I don’t, which makes me even more tired.
It has completely ruined my life. That’s it. I’m never going to get back all of the times that I have missed out on because I have been too anxious to do. I’m never going to get back all the time I have wasted with worrying and not going out because I’m scared of what might happen. I don’t feel like I’m living, just barely surviving.