So, as you may know, I went to America!
Obviously, this was always going to be a massive challenge for me, and it being a school trip made it even harder. I’m terrified of flying as being in a confined space for 11 hours is probably my worst nightmare. I hated the thought of not being in my own home, instead being in a room full of people I didn’t know. I worried that I would not like the food and it would all be very high calorie foods which terrify me. Basically, I wasn’t in control and I didn’t like it.
The night before was awful. I spent most of it awake, crying and having panic attacks. I decided I didn’t want to go and I was honestly so close to not going at all because I was in such a bad place. I couldn’t face it. I knew that I should go because my parents had paid so much money for it but I just didn’t want to do it anymore.
However, I did it! In the morning, it didn’t seem real what I was doing so I just went along with it. To be honest, I don’t think it ever dawned on me what I was actually doing and it still doesn’t seem real now! I just went along with everything in the airport but it didn’t hit me until we got to the gate that I was actually about to get on an 11 hour flight that I wouldn’t be able to get off. I began to panic, felt really dizzy and was convinced I was going to faint.
Apart from take off and landing, the flight was completely fine. Everyone was really excited obviously which massively took away the fear but I still always hate taking off and landing! Luckily my friend Tori practically sedated me with Rescue Remedy so it wasn’t too bad! Unfortunately, I didn’t eat for the whole flight because of unknown calorie and fear foods making it very difficult.
Despite the bearable flight, I completely panicked and broke down, but it is largely untriggered. It may have been that I was awake for the whole flight, the whole day before and most of the night!
To be honest, the rest of the trip was largely anxiety free! There were so many things that we did that I would never have done before. We went to Apple HQ, Google HQ, Stanford University, Santa Cruz, Lucas Film, Alcatraz and NASA. It was honestly the trip of a lifetime and was full of so many things! We even managed to go into the centre of San Francisco which, as you can imagine, was a massive challenge because it was so oud and busy. However, it wasn’t too bad and I was with good people which made it a lot easier for me. It was uncomfortable but I knew I was never going to do it again so I had to make the most of the opportunity I had. And that is exactly what I did! I thought the heat would be a problem as it was hot and that is a big trigger for my anxiety but everywhere is air conditioned so it was fine.
The only problem I had was the food. I didn’t want to eat any of the food in the hostel because I didn’t like it and it was very high calorie foods which I am scared of such as pasta. I practically only ate salad for a whole week and half a piece of toast with peanut butter in the morning. Obviously this was ridiculously unsustainable but I wouldn’t bring myself to eat anything I did not perceive to be safe. It’s also very difficult to find vegetarian, dairy free and low calorie in America!! However, I did try a deep fried cheesecake and a deep fried oreo which was obviously a challenge!
At the airport to leave and come home, I snapped. I literally just burst into tears in the queue for check in because I was so nervous about the flight home. I’m so lucky that I have some great friends who were so supportive especially Lauren, Erin and Tayla who were so lovely and gave me a hug and calmed me down. I think it was probably the anxiety, exhaustion and being ridiculously hungry. I calmed down and then cried again whilst we are waiting for the flight because waiting makes me anxious. Then when we got on the plane, our school descended into chaos. Everyone was made to sit in their assigned seat but then this meant some people were happy with their seats and others weren’t so it became impossible for everyone to sit with their friends. I managed to swap so that I could sit with Lauren because I was so nervous about flying. But then we wanted to move to sit with other friends but the other people sitting where we wanted to sit wouldn’t move. Me and Lauren then both got very upset and cried for about 10 minutes which then set other Phoebe off. It all got a bit too much for us because we’d been awake all day and then were delayed. Eventually, we managed to negotiate but it still meant we couldn’t sit with two of our other friends.
Overall, it was an absolutely amazing trip and I really enjoyed myself. Even the teachers said how proud they were of me because I didn’t panic and managed not to cry until the last day!
Obviously, this was always going to be a massive challenge for me, and it being a school trip made it even harder. I’m terrified of flying as being in a confined space for 11 hours is probably my worst nightmare. I hated the thought of not being in my own home, instead being in a room full of people I didn’t know. I worried that I would not like the food and it would all be very high calorie foods which terrify me. Basically, I wasn’t in control and I didn’t like it.
The night before was awful. I spent most of it awake, crying and having panic attacks. I decided I didn’t want to go and I was honestly so close to not going at all because I was in such a bad place. I couldn’t face it. I knew that I should go because my parents had paid so much money for it but I just didn’t want to do it anymore.
However, I did it! In the morning, it didn’t seem real what I was doing so I just went along with it. To be honest, I don’t think it ever dawned on me what I was actually doing and it still doesn’t seem real now! I just went along with everything in the airport but it didn’t hit me until we got to the gate that I was actually about to get on an 11 hour flight that I wouldn’t be able to get off. I began to panic, felt really dizzy and was convinced I was going to faint.
Apart from take off and landing, the flight was completely fine. Everyone was really excited obviously which massively took away the fear but I still always hate taking off and landing! Luckily my friend Tori practically sedated me with Rescue Remedy so it wasn’t too bad! Unfortunately, I didn’t eat for the whole flight because of unknown calorie and fear foods making it very difficult.
Despite the bearable flight, I completely panicked and broke down, but it is largely untriggered. It may have been that I was awake for the whole flight, the whole day before and most of the night!
To be honest, the rest of the trip was largely anxiety free! There were so many things that we did that I would never have done before. We went to Apple HQ, Google HQ, Stanford University, Santa Cruz, Lucas Film, Alcatraz and NASA. It was honestly the trip of a lifetime and was full of so many things! We even managed to go into the centre of San Francisco which, as you can imagine, was a massive challenge because it was so oud and busy. However, it wasn’t too bad and I was with good people which made it a lot easier for me. It was uncomfortable but I knew I was never going to do it again so I had to make the most of the opportunity I had. And that is exactly what I did! I thought the heat would be a problem as it was hot and that is a big trigger for my anxiety but everywhere is air conditioned so it was fine.
The only problem I had was the food. I didn’t want to eat any of the food in the hostel because I didn’t like it and it was very high calorie foods which I am scared of such as pasta. I practically only ate salad for a whole week and half a piece of toast with peanut butter in the morning. Obviously this was ridiculously unsustainable but I wouldn’t bring myself to eat anything I did not perceive to be safe. It’s also very difficult to find vegetarian, dairy free and low calorie in America!! However, I did try a deep fried cheesecake and a deep fried oreo which was obviously a challenge!
At the airport to leave and come home, I snapped. I literally just burst into tears in the queue for check in because I was so nervous about the flight home. I’m so lucky that I have some great friends who were so supportive especially Lauren, Erin and Tayla who were so lovely and gave me a hug and calmed me down. I think it was probably the anxiety, exhaustion and being ridiculously hungry. I calmed down and then cried again whilst we are waiting for the flight because waiting makes me anxious. Then when we got on the plane, our school descended into chaos. Everyone was made to sit in their assigned seat but then this meant some people were happy with their seats and others weren’t so it became impossible for everyone to sit with their friends. I managed to swap so that I could sit with Lauren because I was so nervous about flying. But then we wanted to move to sit with other friends but the other people sitting where we wanted to sit wouldn’t move. Me and Lauren then both got very upset and cried for about 10 minutes which then set other Phoebe off. It all got a bit too much for us because we’d been awake all day and then were delayed. Eventually, we managed to negotiate but it still meant we couldn’t sit with two of our other friends.
Overall, it was an absolutely amazing trip and I really enjoyed myself. Even the teachers said how proud they were of me because I didn’t panic and managed not to cry until the last day!