Recently, it has been hard. I’m not going to rose tint it and I’m not going to lie about it. My anxiety has been very bad recently which has been difficult to cope with. My panic attacks have been slowly worsening; becoming more frequent and more serious. I’m struggling to speak when I’m at school which is a problem as you can imagine. Communication is very difficult when I just can’t seem to will the words out of my mouth and I can’t tell people that I can’t really speak. I’ve been dealing with a lot of school stress as of late which has triggered an increase in levels of anxiety.
I’m having more and more ‘bad days’. I say it like this because it isn’t always necessarily something specific that has caused it to be ‘bad’ just a day that has been difficult. Sometimes everything that has happened becomes completely overwhelming and you feel unable to cope with your life. This is what is happened a lot to me at the moment because I just have so much to deal with.
I feel like I spend my life telling others to be happy and give people advice on how to cope when really, I can’t do it myself. All the things that I’m always telling everyone else are things I should do and believe but I just feel unable to. I never want anyone that I care about to have to feel the way I have been for such a prolonged period of time that I spend so much time focusing on them. I want everyone else to be okay so I push myself to the side to help them. Finally, when it comes round to me, I can’t do it. I can’t believe anything I say or anything anyone says to me. I’m out of control, I can’t do it and I won’t be fine. I’m trying to sustain a positive frame of mind but this is difficult when you have no self confidence or self belief at all. I don’t ever see myself getting out of this but I desperately want/need to.
I know recovery is a complex journey with obstacles that we need to confront but I don’t feel like I’m beating them. I think I just need to appreciate how far I have actually come because these bumps were inevitable. I need to just let myself accept that things won’t be perfect all of the time and I will encounter difficulties. I need to stop focusing on perfection and accept problems so that I can deal with them properly instead of brushing them off and letting them build up. I know that I can do this and I can beat anxiety because I’m stronger than it.
I’m sorry this post has been all over the place and rambley but I needed to get it off my chest. I also didn’t have as much time to write this as I normally would because of the amount of work I currently have. I promise my next post will be better and hopefully slightly happier.
I’m having more and more ‘bad days’. I say it like this because it isn’t always necessarily something specific that has caused it to be ‘bad’ just a day that has been difficult. Sometimes everything that has happened becomes completely overwhelming and you feel unable to cope with your life. This is what is happened a lot to me at the moment because I just have so much to deal with.
I feel like I spend my life telling others to be happy and give people advice on how to cope when really, I can’t do it myself. All the things that I’m always telling everyone else are things I should do and believe but I just feel unable to. I never want anyone that I care about to have to feel the way I have been for such a prolonged period of time that I spend so much time focusing on them. I want everyone else to be okay so I push myself to the side to help them. Finally, when it comes round to me, I can’t do it. I can’t believe anything I say or anything anyone says to me. I’m out of control, I can’t do it and I won’t be fine. I’m trying to sustain a positive frame of mind but this is difficult when you have no self confidence or self belief at all. I don’t ever see myself getting out of this but I desperately want/need to.
I know recovery is a complex journey with obstacles that we need to confront but I don’t feel like I’m beating them. I think I just need to appreciate how far I have actually come because these bumps were inevitable. I need to just let myself accept that things won’t be perfect all of the time and I will encounter difficulties. I need to stop focusing on perfection and accept problems so that I can deal with them properly instead of brushing them off and letting them build up. I know that I can do this and I can beat anxiety because I’m stronger than it.
I’m sorry this post has been all over the place and rambley but I needed to get it off my chest. I also didn’t have as much time to write this as I normally would because of the amount of work I currently have. I promise my next post will be better and hopefully slightly happier.